I leave on monday.. I have so many different emotions going on right now. I am scared, nervous, and sad. I have never done anything like this before & honestly, right now, i am so afraid of screwing up and not being able to do it. (physically, mentally, hell yeah, i got that in the bag) I am afraid my children will grow up and hate me because of this. I am going to miss them so much. I am more sad to be leaving them, than i am to be leaving my husband. I know they will be ok in his care, but i still worry. I have to keep telling myself, It is time I do something for ME, before I am too old and that I am actually doing this to help give them a better life then they are getting right now.

Last night I had to go do some army stuff, got the crap smoked out of me.. omg, i have never had such a sore neck before and legs (damn flutter kicks) I felt so good after it tho, so i guess it was worth it. I know all of this is worth it.

I am facing a lot of opposition from family. My mother in laws main concern is that she cannot believe i would leave my children. My brother thinks i am being stupid.

change of subject.. i took about 20 minutes away from writing this. My youngest son just came in the room and i asked him if he was gonna miss me.. that opened up a whole big can of worms. I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to them on monday, but i didnt realize it would start before i left. he was in tears, absolutely heartbreaking moment for me. I love my babies more than anything, and it just breaks my heart to have to leave them. Right now, i am asking myself again, is this worth it??