Or so it seems anyway. I know its been a little while since I have posted anything worth while. So here is a worth while post. I have been talking with the local *insert branch of service name here* recruiter about enlisting. I went yesterday to start the paperwork. He must have asked me about 10 times if I was sure I wanted to do this. My reply was "yep" I do have to get a waiver to get in because I have 3 children, but since I am married, it will help that situation a lot. My scores on the *test* and my credit will also help the waiver thing. So, its looking good, but its not a definite yet. I am going tomorrow to take the test. I have to admit, I am getting pretty excited though. When you have wanted to do something for 12-13 yrs, you tend to get anxious when you actually get the chance. I am just glad husband is being completely supportive about this. Actually, we are both hoping that if/when I get accepted, the time apart will help both of us out.. not just him. I know its going to be hard on him considering, I have raised those kids since birth and he was gone a lot in the Army. Its going to be a complete role reversal & maybe he will gain a little respect for what I had to go through when he was gone *basic training, field *many many many times*, deployments *2* etc. Raising children alone is not the easiest thing in the world to do, so I have the utmost respect for single parents. I am just glad, husband will be here when I leave. He will have mucho help in the child rearing department.

I was filling out some paperwork last night, reading some of the ridiculous questions they ask you for security purposes & my daughter (9yrs old) came up & asked what I was doing. Her little brothers were right by her & I couldn't tell her.. but she is smart, so she said "are you going in the military?" I can not lie to my children, because, well, they would find out anyway, so I told her the truth.. She wasn't too happy about it, but she said she will be ok. My son (7yr old) told me that he will miss me and my youngest (5yr old) said he is going to send me lots of notes. I am glad they are going to be ok with me being gone. In all reality, that was one of my biggest fears. My children resenting me because I left them. I know now, that that will not be the case. And that is a huge burden off of my shoulders.

So wish me luck tomorrow, pray I don't fail the test (I doubt I will, I took a practice one yesterday & the recruiter told me that I would be placed in the top 10 of the ones he has given out.. he has been at it for 4 yrs.. I should be just fine tomorrow)

Thanks to everyone who has commented in the posts below.. things around the house haven't gotten much better, but it seems to be improving a lot. I do understand a lot of what husband is going through. And I am so sorry to see that he is having such a hard time dealing with what he has been through. I do know that it is perfectly normal for him to want to push away his wife with PTSD.. I also know that there is still a glimmer of hope that we will be able to work through this.. together.. I haven't given up on him completely. I don't think I will be able to give up altogether ever.. not knowing what I know now.. That's something for another post though. Maybe one day I will write about it, but not now.