And cleansing the soul. I should be at work right now getting stuff together to send out, instead, I am here.. why? I have been thinking a lot the past 24hrs. I seemed to have put my soul into this template & I think it turned out well. I honestly feel how the girl looks in the image to your left. Down, depressed.. all that good shit. But for me, its no longer about what I may be losing. Its all about what I am gonna keep. My marriage may be headed down the shitter, but I cant think of that.. I have to keep the chin up for the sake of my kids. They are the most important thing to me right now. I am tired and worn down. I know my husband loves me, but he has forgotten how to show it, and that is one thing I have a hard time dealing with. So. My decision for today is to not let that get me down anymore. He will have to figure out what he wants for himself. I cannot sit here and be used for a piece of ass when he is feeling spunky. I cannot be a punching bag for his emotions, I cannot WILL NOT be dragged down any further than I already am.

Today is a new day, I almost feel like I have a clear mind, I know what I want to do, I just have to save the money to do it. It involved me, my kids & my dog. Gone.. He wants to figure things out, he wants to spend time chatting with assholewhofuckedupmylife's wife, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.. fine.. Its my turn. I want to figure out what I want. I am 27 yrs old. I have been with one man since I was 16. Maybe its time for something else. Maybe I need some time by myself. To live as an adult, to be by myself, to get my head on straight. I wonder how he would feel if I spent as much time on the phone with another guy as he does with assholewhofuckedupmylife's wife? Would it make him jealous? Would it make him realize that what he does hurts me? He says there is nothing going on with them.. I believe it to an extent.. But one can never be 100% sure. I don't know what they talk about, I have no idea.. Who knows what the conversation is about.. all i know is that assholewhofuckedupmylife's wife is going through a hard time, and i guess she thinks that its perfectly ok to get closer to my husband who is going through some issues of his own. I mean, he doesnt talk to me about any of the shit he is dealing with, so why not talk to her.. he has to be talking to someone about it right?

I dunno, I am rambling again. It is helping to get my thoughts down. Now i just have to hope that assholewhofuckedupmylife's wife doesnt find this and i have to hope that husband doenst find it either.. because well 2 can play the 'i dont wanna talk to you about it' game. and if thats how he would rather play, its game on.